honest fury
by aloststar
Summary: A month after the final battle Hermione has had it. Her anger has turned to aggression and her councilor has suggested a bit of free writing in order to find what is really bothering her. She might be pissed off, she might cuss, a lot. If that kind of thing offends you, please skip this story.
1. Chapter 1

This bed isn't soft. This bed is lumpy, it smells, not a strong smell, just a hint of decay, like leaves that slowly turn into earth. If you don't kick over the debris than only the tiniest scent lingers, reminding you that the life of the forest is more than just the soaring trees. God wasn't that melodramatic. But in the last three weeks I have been to forty-five funerals, forty-five! Some were staged together, Tonks and Remus were together, that made sense, but they fell on the same day as lavender, and then there was Colin Creevey's funeral just before the service for Severus Snape, and that night was the wake for Fred. I don't even remember most of that night, I know Ron and I fucked like rabbits, I woke up so sore. Come to think of it I am sore now, there has been almost as much fucking as there has been crying, probably more if I am honest about it.

As soon as we realized it was over, oh the relief, the fucking triumph. The god damned choir of angels sang and everyone's hearts lifted. For that day everyone was just glad to be alive. It was when we woke up, that the true nausea of the night's events really took hold. The castle, our castle, our fucking home for the last seven fucking years, was full of holes. Windows shattered, walls missing, entire floors torn to god dammed pieces. And the wounded, so many people, hurt, hurt is the wrong word. Hurt implies a scrape, or just some pain, or something that will mend in time. The ward was full of people torn apart. People that had miraculously survived the worst of what their enemy could throw. Thousands of years of developing spells, thousands of years honing our ability to manipulate the world, thousands of years of creatively learning how to turn lungs inside out, or how to scalp someone still living. To suck the blood out thru their pores, who the fuck thinks this shit up?

And the dead, so many dead. I can't even feel it anymore. When I heard about Fred it tore me to pieces. Tonks and Remus brought me to my knees. Sometimes the vision of Lavenders dead gaze haunts me when I close my eyes. But I couldn't cry at the Creevey funeral. I had nothing left to give for professor Vector. Molly keeps wailing at the burrow, and I can't stand it. I can't stand watching the tears anymore. Harry looks completely broken, like the lights are on but nobody's home. He eats if you tell him to, and Ginny stands beside him at all of the funerals, all of the goddamned funerals. People keep wanting him to speak, and he looks at them lost and confused. He looks at them silent and still, and Ginny rushes to interpret. "What he means is that there just are not words to express our sorrow." If I never have to hear that goddamned line again it will be too soon.

And this mattress still smells, all the fucking magic in the universe and wizards haven't figured out how to make a home that doesn't need upkeep. Do I have to do everything my fucking self? I don't think this writing is helping, I know the counselor was trying to be helpful. Especially after I hit him. I think it is perfectly logical that I am angry, I have an undeniable grievance with the way wizarding society has treated me these last seven years. I hit that other fucking asre hole in the middle of the meeting. I know it was public, and that he is the interim minister, and he was not the root cause of the hardships for the last seven years. But a blanket forgiveness, and no overhaul of how the system was going to work? Somebody needed to hit the man. I made a study of wizard fucking law in my third year and I tell you I never never seen a more corruptible archaic system with built in bigotry and fucking second and third class citizens. You know who makes the fucking laws? The wizengamot, you know how you get on the wizengamot? You inherit a god damned seat from your ancestors. You know who inherits seats, it sure as hell isn't fucking Mud Bloods! You know why the god damned pure blooded houses only have one child? because if your one child and the other single child each have 5 seats, then their only child then has ten "seats" You know why there are only 28 fucking sacred houses? Because these idiots are all in a fucking pissing contest to see who can round up the most seats. There used to be over 400 fucking houses, there are so many goddamned extinct names because these idiots are breeding themselves out of existence. There are 72 sitting members of the wizenmagot for over 400 fucking seats! 434 if they make good on their promise to give Harry, Ron and I a seat, that's how seats were originally bestowed, they were given to god dammed heroes who actually did some sort of good for our world. So if all things remain the same, as the ministry desires, I will have one vote and Malfoy will have 42! 42! like he is life the universe and everything. Just thinking about it makes me want to hit that ferret strait in the nose, again! To feel it crack as if I am shattering his ego, the slimy cockroach.

I might have an anger issue, I might fantasize about inflicting violence, hell I might have hit the fucking minister of goddamned magic on the same fucking day he gave me a medal and declared me a fucking hero. I might have hit the counselor when he suggested I not hit people. I might have beat the ever loving fuck out of Lucius goddamned Malfoy when he came to Severus Snape's funeral. They might of had to pull me off of him! Charlie and Bill being the two bravest souls jumped in and saving the man from my rage. The way I see it I am being merciful, I should have hexed them into oblivion. Never mind that Ginny took my wand and said I could have it back when I could show some restraint. Fuck that pissed me off. I don't know that this is helping. Writing it all down is just reminding me of all the shit and it pisses me off, and it hurts. It hurts to see Harry's blank stare, and it hurts that Ron hardly talks to me, and it hurts that Ginny didn't trust me. It hurts to hear Molly's wails, and it hurts when I think about my mother, I don't even know when I can start to unravel that mess. It fucking hurts to think about what I had to do to them, and the lies I made them believe and the lies I told them and the truth I left off, and how they could never understand the world I entered, or why I wouldn't go to university. Hell they can't even see half of our fucking world, my parents, the two people whom gave me everything, had to take it on faith that I could see A Fucking Pub that was the entrance to a whole god damned world! And I could never even show them my magic, never show them what I learned, how fucking cruel is that? Almost as cruel as sending children to a boarding school for nine months of the year, when they are fucking 11. Eleven? Who the hell decided a boarding school with minimal supervision was a good idea, with floos and apparition and portkeys there is zero reason to not let us go home each night, unless they wanted us separated from our families. Wanted us pulled away from the world so completely they could tell us anything and we would believe it. You are safe here, this world of magic is wonderful, blood prejudice isn't a big deal, it is nothing more than schoolyard bullying. We are the best school for magic in the world! yeah fucking right, uh dada anyone? We had to teach ourselves. A ghost that can't recognize his own students? An alcoholic fraud that likes to torture vulnerable and impressionable students, and don't even get me started on the insecurities of Severus I can't teach Snape. My head hurts just thinking about it. This bed still smells, but I am still here, still hiding away, because no one wants my anger.

No one deserves to know my honest fury. They haven't earned it yet. I have half a mind to leave, take myself and make a new life, a better life. One where they can't hurt me. But that doesn't fix the problem. Next September there will be a muggle born girl discovering this goddamned mess of a world, and fuck if I am going to let them tear her and her parents apart. If I am going to let her be voiceless in our world. If I am going to let her be bullied for her blood. If I am going to stand by and let her wonder of magic be destroyed by a fucking sub-par education that she won't even be able to talk about with her parents. Fuck Fuck Fuck. I can't walk away, not without fixing it.


	2. a surprisingly helpful session

The last counselor wasn't in his office, the secretary said he wasn't planning on seeing me again. Coward. She directed me down the hall to a new office, and said my file had been forwarded there. The free writing in my hand crinkled as I crushed the paper. But I managed to walk into the new office without yelling, screaming, or crushing anyone's face, see improvement already. I opened the door and walked into a pleasant office. There was a couch littered with throw pillows, a table that held a thick file and a pitcher and two water glasses.

She sat in a couch across from the empty one, she was in her late 30's , wore blue jeans under her robes and held in her hand a pen. It made me smile to see the plain bic pen in her hand as she was reading something off of a yellow legal pad.

"Hello my name is Dr. Gizelle Smith, you can call me Elle if you like"

"Thank you Elle, Smith? Are you muggle born?"

"No, I was born a Nott, not that you will get them to admit it. I was born a squib, and struck from the family tree at 11. I was quietly transitioned into the muggle world, where I studied phycology. I came back when it was found to be useful to have someone who can step in both worlds."

"It is nice to meet you. It's really nice to see someone who can't acess magic succeed"

"Yes, most squibs are thrown to the wolves, and do not do well. I happened to have been rather good at running with the pack. But enough about me, what brings you in today?"

"Well part of not being thrown in prison is seeing a counselor once a week."

"So what has been going on?"

"Funerals, a lot of funerals," I sighed "I think they might be over though." I stopped and struggled to find the words "The last month has been trying"

I looked down at my hands and saw the crumpled paper, the free writing that had convinced me that maybe counselling wasn't a complete waste of time. "Here, the last counselor suggested I just start writing, and see if I could see what was bothering me"

"So did it help?" she asked as she took the wrinkled mess.

"Yeah, actually, I wasn't expecting it to but it kinda did."

she took a minute to read it .

"I hear you haven't lost your temper in the last week-"

"No I have, but there is so much to be done I don't think I have time for the blind anger anymore."

"What do you think you have to do?"

"McGonagall wants me to help rebuild. I don't know what to do about Harry-"

"Is that something you need to worry about?"

" Of course it is, I am the one that takes care of them. I have always taken care of them."

I rolled on "I need to figure out what to do about my parents, how do I even approach that?

I need to help figure out what to do about putting our society back together, I can't let this war of been in vain."

"What do you want to change?"

"It feels like everything." I could hear the dread creeping into my voice

"Does thinking about changing things help?"

"Yeah, a little, it helps to think about the future, about change."

"What else do you think will help?"

"It will be nice when Harry recovers. It hurts so bad to look at him. now that the funerals are over he just kinda sits there, sometimes he pretends to read, but he doesn't turn the pages. I miss him, I miss the laughter, I miss the daring, the sense of adventure he used to carry with him. Even when we were on the run, especially when it was just the two of us, he had this we need to carry on approach. This 'I have no idea how it's going to end but we have got to keep going' but now it's like he didn't expect to live, and that some part of him wishes he didn't. I don't know where he is trapped in his own head, but I miss my friend, I miss my brother." I took a deep breath and thought about him sitting there "I just feel so powerless, I don't know what to do? I mean I guess I am just as fucked up, and I can barely start to think about my own head. It feels so… just I can't help! I always help, that is who I am" I struggled to breathe as it felt like my world was closing in "How can I help?" I asked, I begged, I pleaded. Could she see how much I wanted her to answer? Her eyes looked like they understood. She handed me a soft handkerchief, and I lost myself in it for a minute or so while my breathing came under control, and my muscles started to unclench.

"I can see that Harry is very important to you. And I can see that you understand how complex mental health is. I am hearing how much you want to help, that it feels so deeply important that it feels like part of your identity. Let me ask you, are you Harry's friend, or are you his keeper?"

The question echoed in my head. The memories washed over me, the truth startled me. "I would like to be his friend."

Then it is not your job to fix him, it is your job to love him and care about him, to meet him where he is at. If he doesn't want to talk, it is not your job to get him to do so. It is your job to let him know you care, nothing more than that. He has to be in charge of his own head. Just as you need to be in charge of yours."

I took a deep breath, it was like a weight had come off of me, how cliche'. Like I had been waiting for someone to tell me that it wasn't my job all along. How weird. There was so much it felt like I didn't know, but it also felt ok. Like it wasn't expected of me and that was so very weird.

The silence stretched on for a moment, and I drank some water and wiped my face. I wondered how far we were into the session, and if I had enough "breakthroughs" to call it a day. Just as I was about to ask she started talking"

So in your writing you say you want to fix our parents, what happened?

I felt myself crumple at the question

I forced out the harsh whisper "A specific obliviation, and a very potent confundus charm."

"A specific obliviation, as in a situational, not just a time period?"

"Yes" I whispered as I forced myself to look into her horrified eyes.

"How is that possible?"

"I am not the only one, Gideroy Lockheart perfected it. You modify the wand movement and have to focus on exactly what you want gone. It only works if you know what you are looking for."

I took some time to breathe and then to form my thoughts. When I looked up again her face was once again calm, but there was a look of wonder and curiosity in her gaze. I braced myself and said what had been slowly pooling in my thoughts.

"Part of me wants to leave my parents alone. It is such a mess, I don't want to admit to them or really think about all of the lies over the years. That's not even touching on the fact that they that I, that I took away who they were. I stole who they were, and I don't know if I can give it back to them. I took so much of their lives I might as well have murdered them."

"What do you think they have been doing for the last year?"

"I don't know, I liquidated their assets, and sent them to Australia. I changed their names and forged them papers. I loaded them on a plane and well I hope they spent some time enjoying a holiday. I kinda expect them to open a practice. I left all their dental knowledge, I just tried to take away everything related to me."

"What do you think it would be like to see them?"

"I don't know, just the thought of it hurts, but it would be good to see them, to know that they are safe and happy."

"So it matters that they are safe and happy, even if they don't know you."

"Yeah," realization crept in, "I need to see them just to know that they survived, even if I can't give my memory back."

So you want be Harry's friend, you want to see your parents, what else do you want?

"I want to get my newts, I want to know that I have them, I don't want the fame to fade and then not have anything to stand on when I want a job."

"Do you think the fame will fade?"

"Yeah eventually."

"How does that make you feel?"

"I don't know, I dislike the idea of fame, but I like that it might enable me to get something done. That it will be possible to change things before it is too late."

"What do you want to change?"

"Everything, it feels like so much, I started a list."

"That should be helpful, knowing what you want is a big step."

"It's just sometimes it seems so impossible, but then again so did the war, I still can't believe we won, can't really believe that it is over."

"Is it?"

"For the most part, I still startle when I wake," I caught myself rubbing the scar god I hope that wasn't a habit that had developed when I wasn't paying attention. I thought about life now, things that were different. "I still look for exits when I walk into a room. I still size people up when I am with them. I feel naked without my wand." I thought about not having my wand at Snape's funeral "Naked, vulnerable, and furious, who did she think she was to take my wand, Mine! When I was the one who... I feel… I am so angry, why couldn't more people step up? There were over 10 thousand witches and wizards when this war started, why did it fall to harry and I? Why didn't more people fight? Did they think the death eaters were right? That life would be better under Voldermort. If everyone was so fucking scared why couldn't they help? Did they want the pure blooded agenda? Did they want me in chains? Am I so terrible, such a freak of nature that I deserved to be hunted? And I see Lucius Malfoy out free and I want to kill him, he watched as his sister in law carved this into me, he fought her for the privilege of calling their master. My blood was on his floor, and he isn't in prison! How is this possible? He tortured people, he killed people, why is he free? I don't care how much money he has given to whom he doesn't deserve to walk among us."

"What do you think he deserves?"

My mind flashed to the parlor, seeing him out of the corner of my eye as my label was carved into me. I thought of the terror I felt as the snatchers hauled me up to their manor. I thought about the cold sneer he wore in the department of mysteries. I thought about those poor muggles that were tortured at the world cup. I thought about Hagrid's tears as he lost the appeal for Buckbeak. I thought about the month of my life that was gone because he handed off the diary. I thought of Dobby, and then I thought about Harry's catatonic stare.

I didn't realize I was crying, I didn't realize I had torn open the cushion from the couch. My head was pounding and I wanted to scream.

"I want him dead! I want him GONE! I WANT HIM TO HAVE NEVER EXISTED!"

My breathing was ragged, and I was up and pacing, my hands starting to tug at my hair. I looked at the councilor, a woman that has known me all of an hour or two. She looked on calmly and offered me a glass of water. I drank it down as I started to settle.

"I would settle for him being in prison, or being publicly lynched, or even being striped of his holdings and cast out."

"And what do you plan to do about it?"

I crumpled again "Nothing," I whispered "The minister is proposing a blanket amnesty for everyone, and while it protects me and harry, it also protects him. And there are too many deatheaters, too many people pressed into service to sort thru who was a murdering monster, and who was just following orders. I understand the predicament up here I said pressing my temple. Its down here,"pointing to my heart "that I want that lying murdering scumbag to burn."

"I suggest exercise."

"What!?"

"Exercise, physical exertion, it helps release hormones that regulate your moods, and make it easier to resist the temptation to resort to physical violence. You have already said you don't plan on doing anything. Exercise will help you stick to that plan."

"Any other suggestions?"

"Take your list and start making a plan, sort it into categories, things I can do now, things I can do in the future, things I can not do. Also make a list of your resources, it is ok to ask for help."

"Ok."

"So I am thinking meeting once a week will do the most good."

I thought about it, it would be good to talk, she wasn't too pushy, and she didn't say anything horrendously stupid.

"Ok, see you same time?"

"And same place."


	3. sledge hammer

Apparating back to Grimmauld place was depressing. That I could land on that top step perfectly only served to reinforce the things I was trying to forget. This house served as a sanctuary and prison. I remember when it was the only safe place I could think of. I remember the haunted look on Sirius face. It was rock bottom, the last place any of us wanted to be. It was weighed down by the history, by the circumstances, by the memories of those that would never see the other side of the war. It was the place where hope was compressed, it was where we were transformed from children into… into whatever we were, or are. Fuck it, stop trying to define this shit, let it go Hermione, just let it go. A deep breath before going back in.

The door squeaked as I opened it, and I tried to shut it quietly but the damage was done. That Hag started screaming. "Mudblood Filth! Get out of my house!" I lost it. The velvet curtains made a delicious ripping sound as I gripped them. I pulled, not in but down. The tension gave way under my hands as they came tumbling to the ground. I tore apart the frame, as Ginny and Ron came skidding down the stairs. I bashed into the plaster next to the picture. I pulled the ancient wall apart. Harry skidded into the hall, wand out eyes alert. I could feel the plaster cracking under the painting and I smiled as she screamed louder, her words given up to shrieking of pure terror. I could feel it all crumble and suddenly it all came down and landed on top of me. I got up and jumped up and down on the evil foul painting. "Fuck you goddamn bitch! Sirius was worth 10 of you! Your family has ended, your line ruined by your own stupidity!" The wood splintered and the canvas tore and finally the shrieking ended.

Harry was laughing hysterically, and Ginny grinned before checking on Harry. Ron smiled and shook his head. "So therapy is helping"

"Oh shut up" I said with a smile on my face. he shook his head "You know you really are scary sometimes"

"Don't you forget it pretty boy. Get down here and help me clean this up." He started vanishing the bigger chunks as I swept the dust into a pile. I looked at the wall where the menace had once been, beyond it was a formal sitting room. Why was there a wall here at all? It wasn't load bearing, and it had this entryway narrow and very unwelcoming Maybe the blacks liked it that way, narrow and unwelcoming, well it was time to fix that.

"I need a sledge hammer"

"A what?" Ron asked his voice just hinting at the nervousness.

"A sledge hammer, it's a, oh never mind." I pointed my wand at an umbrella and focused on exactly what I needed "Liberium Trans" There sat a perfect 10 lb sledge. I picked it up and went to town on the wall. It felt sooooooo good smash it. I offered the hammer to Ron, but he shook his head and mumbled something about lunch. I finished smashing the rest of the dividing wall, and found that I had worked up a sweat, I wonder if this counts as exercise. Man this felt great, it kinda looked awful, there was dust everywhere, Splinters of wood had covered the floor on both sides of the wall. All I had left were two of the beefier support beams that held up a beam that ran the length of the wall. I transfigured them into plain columns. I thought they looked quite nice, but the overall effect was lost in the mess.

I started vanishing the debris. I opened a window and wished for a vacuum I wonder if I could get this placed wired up, I bet harry would like that, it would have to wait though. I swept up more of the plaster, and vanished it. "Ventus Lintier" a gentle breeze came from my wand and started pushing most of the dust out of the window. I shook the spell from my wand, and looked around. The entry was quite bright, with the light spilling in from the sitting room. I looked up and saw those goddamned elf heads and they twisted my stomach. "Fucking monsters" I muttered to myself as I vanished the heads. I pointed my wand at the ugly troll leg and sent the vanishing spell. It bounced and sailed into the sitting room and vanished a sofa. Opps. Oh well it was thread bare and ugly anyways. I walked into the room and shook my head at the rest of the furniture, it was ancient, uncomfortable, and worn down. It was probably ugly when it was new, but it was downright hideous if I was really honest about it. I shrank it all down. Smaller than doll size. I hit the walls with a scourgify and they were revealed to have a pretty paper that was gray with a flowing floral pattern.

A scourgify to the floor revealed a pretty mahogany color instead of the dingy slate I thought they had been. So many years of neglect. I wonder why in all the cleaning frenzy Molly never did this. It is so simple. Stripping it all bare had taken less than an afternoon, and it really changed the entire look of the place. I thought I should go look up some polishing and permanency charms for the floors, maybe after lunch. I wandered into the kitchen as Ron was putting the finishing touches on a monstrous sandwich.

"So are you done destroying things?" He said his tone cautious.

"For now" I smiled. I took a knife and cut the monster of a sandwich into four sections. I pulled out three more plates and split it all up, leaving Ron the biggest section.

"Where are Harry and Ginny?"

"The lounge, hey what did you do-"

"OH it's fine you just get to share, thank you for making everyone lunch."

I levitated three plates ahead of me and headed to the lounge. "Oh, Ron will you bring everyone a butter beer?"

"Yeah sure thing" he grumbled. I found them cuddled on the couch. I looked around and thought with satisfaction that I had found the next room that could use a good cleaning. Ginny smiled at the lunch, and Harry turned to let his eyes follow me, that was better than I usually got, and it made my day.

The Black Library had 17 books on household charms. Most of them were day to day activities, a spell to make the bed and fold laundry. One on deep cleaning was helpful, and I started copying some of the more useful spells into a notebook. One of the books had a section on how to interact with house elves and I set it on my side table for some in depth reading. I did find a spell to deodorize, and I hit my mattress with it several times. I didn't find anything to make it less lumpy thou. I thought about replacing it, how would I even go about that? Do wizards have furniture stores? I don't remember seeing any in the alley. Could I just go to a department store, but they would want to deliver it. This place is still under a fidelius, even if it was with a dozen different secret keepers. I suppose I could get things delivered to number 11 and just wait outside. That seemed like the best solution, because honestly this place needed it. Harry might like touring a furniture store, I know ginny would probably get a kick out of it, though I am sure Ron would have no patience for it. Maybe in a few weeks we could go together. Although I might just get a mattress for my room, I really can't stand this piece of shit, it's lumpy and well I guess it doesn't smell anymore. I scogifed the walls and the floor, and tried out the polishing charm, as well as a laundering charm on the drapes. I hit the bed and side table with the polishing charm and realized that they were a matching set, they along with the wardrobe and the vanity were all delicately carved and made from a pale wood that I couldn't identify. With some decent linens and some artwork this room could actually be cheerful. Maybe I could work on this tomorrow, it along with the "how I am going to fix the world" list should keep me busy. I need to plan out a trip to Australia, and write back to the headmistress, Let her know I can come help after I check on my parents.

When I woke with a crick in my neck I decided I had had enough. I dressed and ventured into the kitchen. Ginny was sitting there with a mug of tea and concern in her eyes.

"Gin what's wrong?"

"Its nothing, I'm just, I was hoping after he was laughing, that maybe he'd I don't know…"

"Snap out of it"

"Yeah" she looked resigned and her tone was grim.

"Look, my first counselor was a wanker, but the lady I have now, she is pretty good, she I don't know, she was real calm. And she was able to jump right in, she might be able to help Harry. If he wants to talk, when he is ready, I bet she can help."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I think so, it won't do any good to push him. She told me to back off, to just show him I care, but don't try to get him to do anything. Just be patient Gin, we got thru the dangerous part, now we have to get thru the tough part."

"Yeah"

"I am going to go get a better bed, and some blankets, I am tired of sleeping on crap that is older than my grandfather. You want to come with me? Make it a girls day out?"

she hesitated "I should stay, keep an eye on everything." she sighed "I saw the entry way, it looks good."

"Yeah I was sort of inspired after I got rid of that hag, I am going to fix up my room, and I was thinking about deep cleaning all the rooms, one at a time."

"Only you would make more work for yourself, this is supposed to be time to relax you know."

"Honestly Gin working at small solvable things helps me relax." I shrugged my shoulders, "This seems to be the best place to be right now, and if I am stuck here I don't want to keep cringing every time I walk into a room. Besides it won't take that long, the entry and the sitting room took like 2 hours total, there is what…" I counted in my head, six guest rooms, a lounge, the dining room the library, the study and the kitchen, plus the attic and the master suite. Leave out Sirius and Regulus' rooms. "That's 12 rooms, and just basic cleaning, no more renovating, it shouldn't take too long, and honestly it might help Harry to see things start to change. I'll go slow, but eventually I would like to have every floor be clean and polished, and the wallpaper is quite pretty when it is clean."

"Yeah I could see that, what did you do with the furniture?"

"I shrank it down, I would love to get new stuff, but that can wait until everyone is ready, besides I don't have that much time, only a week or two."

"God school is over 2 months away, you are not already freaking out about your Newts!"

"No not yet, I have to go check on my parents, and then McGonagall asked me to help with rebuilding, So I will probably be spending gobs of time there."

"Oh, that makes sense, the castle is going to need a lot of repair, and it won't be easy."

"Yeah, so is there anything you need while I am out?"

"Yes, chocolate, this house needs more chocolate, and Ron keeps eating it all."

I laughed, "yeah he does that, I'll bring some home with me."

I made sure I had my bottomless bag, and the notes I had converted from Gringotts, man their exchange rate was awful, just one more thing to go on the list for changing. The list, hmmm maybe when I get home tonight, I would start the real list.


	4. It's never simple

The walk to shops wasn't far, and it felt great to stretch my legs, I kept my eyes peeled for a gym, but I didn't see one. The first furniture store I came across was filled with mattresses. The sales lady insisted I sit, and lay on all of them, and honestly most of them felt like heaven. I decided on the perfect one but I was right in thinking they didn't have one in stock now. I thanked the lady and said I might be back, feeling kinda bad at the crestfallen look on her face. The next three stores had the same mattresses, at near the same price, but none of them had one I could bring home tonight. In fact they all looked at me like I was insane for wanting to carry it out the store with me. One older lady took a condescending tone, "You must be confused, nobody walks out with a mattress, there are no warehouses in this section of London. Who could afford such a thing?"

"What do you do if the floor model gets damaged?" I countered.

We put it in the back and send for a new one."

I tried to be calm, I tried to be patient. I tried to tell myself that it was wrong to bully this woman into giving me what I want. But the thought of sleeping on that mattress one more night broke the very fragile self restraint that I had been building. "Do you have any damaged mattresses in the back for sale?"

"They are not for sale, silly girl!"

I think that was what did it, silly girl, silly girl, yes I was a silly girl to think that this was the way to get this done. No one else was in the store. Those mattresses were going to waste anyway, probably to be destroyed because of their imperfections. Whatever imaginary faults they have they can not be worse than what I am sleeping on now. I gripped my hand around my wand still in my pocket. "Confundus" I saw the look on her face change instantly, this very mild spell worked well on children, and apparently equally well on muggles.

"The mattresses in the back, they are being sold at a discount, why don't you show me." She shook herself but my prompting sounded very polite, and the woman responded well to it. She lead me to the back where at least a dozen mattresses stood on end. I found one that was the same brand as the others, it looked older, and had a slight dingy tinge to it.

"This one, is a hundred going to cover it?" I said my voice firm.

"Yes I suppose" the hints of superiority coming back into her voice.

"OK"

She stared at me then said "There is no one to help you load it."

I passed her the notes and pulled it out, it was heavy, it was wobbly and I shifted behind it so she couldn't see my wand as I cast the feather light charm. Then it moved quite easily. She opened a door that lead to an alley, and I managed to force it out the door, all the while grunting and stumbling as if it were a great hassle. She said "good day," and shut the door behind her. I leaned against my prize and let out a great sigh.

Magic helps, I never really understood why the confundus spell was taught, why give someone a great sense of confuson, unless you needed to manipulate some one ignorant. My God I just manipulated the shit out of her. I suppose it was better than stealing a mattress, and it's not like I put her under the imperius. But a small nagging sensation tugged at me. This is why the purebloods look down on muggles, because a second year spell is incredibly powerful when directed at them. This was a thing, a thing to be reworked, to be retooled. I shrank down the mattress and shoved it into my bag. I walked out of the alley and down the saw a coffee shop.

I walked in and ordered and sat down with the tasty beverage that was pretending to be coffee. I made sure no one was paying attention to me as I pulled a notebook and pen out of my bag. I need to make the purse a little bigger, so it might be believable that my notebook would fit in it. All the little things you think about just a little too late.

A list. I need to make a list of things that need to change.

1 How wizards and witches interact with muggles

2 How and when muggle borns are introduced to society

3 How parents of muggleborns are treated

4 How school is managed

5 The wizengamot … fuck the whole system really

6 Not enough advancement, can't reap the benefits of technology

Well that's quite the list of overly complicated situations that have hundreds of years of history, social taboo, and unresolved tensions. Any one of them could easily be a lifetime of work. Wow… I might be an overachiever. Well none of it is going to get done while I am in a coffee shop. But I have a list, an overly simplified list of almost unsolvable problems but hey it will be ok, rome wasn't built in a day. I slipped the notebook into my bag and started for the door.

"Hermione?" I turned and saw one of my old neighbors, a girl named Alice. "Alice?" "Yeah oh my god! I thought you moved up north?"

"Yeah, 9 months of the year, I am down for the summer, staying with some friends." "Thats so cool, I am stuck with my parents until next year. So where are you starting in the fall?" "What?"

" Where did you get accepted to, what university?"

"Oh, I still have another year in Scotland, at my boarding school."

"Oh, I am sorry, I thought you would have skipped years like you did when we were younger." "The school I am at doesn't skip years, but you can add more classes"

"Oh I bet you love that." she said, her enthusiasm very sincere

"Yeah, it's awesome" I lied

"So what are you out doing today?"

"I need to buy some bedding, the place where I am staying, we just need to update."

"Oh cool," she said her smile seemed to get even bigger.

"How about you?"

"I am supposed to met up with Betty and Carol" Her voice trailed off, Betty and Carol were never really nice to me, and I definitely didn't want to see them, every summer it was some sort of snide remark about my hair, or how my jeans didn't flair enough, or how my shirts were too long. I took a deep breath and tried not to dwell on the past "Oh well I had better get going."

"Well here, I just got a cell, you should call me if you want to get together."

I wrote down the number and oh'ed and ah'ed the cell phone. I left with more weight in my step. Seeing Alice was great at first, we grew up together, but secrets tend to drive people apart. And there was a whole world of secrets that she would never know. one more fucking perk of being muggle born.

The linen store was amazing and I might have overspent, but the sheets were so nice, and the duvet was a very pretty ice blue that I found very calming. I got new pillows, a lot of new pillows. I might have gotten a dozen new pillows that could go throughout the house. I had to struggle with the bags until I was out of sight and could fit them all in my bag. I went to the market and stocked up on Hershey's bars and even a box of truffles just for Ginny.

When I walked into grimmauld place my heart lifted at the sight of the entry way, but sank at the sound of shouting. I followed the anger into the kitchen where Ron and Ginny were in a screaming match

"How could you just let her leave?"

"She is a big girl Ronald, I don't let her do anything"

"We don't know what's out there!"

"There is nothing out there!"

"Are you kidding me!"

"HEY! I AM RIGHT HERE!"

Ron took 4 long steps over and enfolded me in his arms. "Don't ever do that again! I was so worried!"

"Ron, I just went out shopping, in muggle London, no one is going to jump out at me."

"You don't know that!" Anger starting to creep back into his voice. "You could have been hurt."

"Ron I am ok, I have my wand, and I can defend myself. Besides the war is over, no one is going to jump out into muggle london and ambush me in the linen shop."

"You were gone all morning, you didn't even tell me where you were going"

"I am not a puppy, I wasn't going to get lost. You don't need to worry about me"

"Like hell I don't! You keep stiring up trouble, and then you don't even ask before you go out alone!"

"I just went shopping, excuse me if I don't want to spend the next few weeks sleeping on crap!" I turned on my heel and left. I don't need to say anything stupid I don't need to go off on him. I got to my room and vanished the mattress with a silent point of my wand. I started emptying my bag the piles of sheets came out, and the mountains of pillows started to surround me before the tears caught up with me. I found myself hugging the down comforter as I cried on the floor.

There was a quiet knock on the door as Ginny came in. She pushed aside the pillows, and hugged me as the comforter enveloped us both.

"I am sorry I should have gone with you."

"No its fine, it was enlightening to be out on my own."

"He is worried, he is scared, he doesn't know the muggle world like you do"

"I know, I didn't even stop to think about how little he knows about the world. But honestly I am not going to ask his permission to do anything. And I certainly wasn't going to drag him along. He would of hated it and whined, and just no, no. It was weird enough without him."

"I think you got too many pillows" she said with a slight smile.

"Well some of them are for you guys, I was going to get more, but the sales woman was already looking at me like I was crazy."

I stood up, and helped Ginny off the floor, and together we built the bed. When it was all done the room looked magnificent.

"Wow, I should have come with. I want our room to look this good. I chuckled well let's get your new pillows on the bed, and I'll show you the charms to clean up what is already there.

We spent the afternoon giving Ginny and Harry's room the once over. Cleaning everything, and adding the new pillows to the bed. Their linens were still threadbare, and the comforter was fraying and ugly, but it was clean. We finished in their room, and moved on to the other rooms. Vanishing and cleaning and polishing rooms up and down the hall. By time dinner was served by kreacher I was in better spirits and could put this mornings flight out of my mind. Ginny and I talked about the progress we made, and Ron sulked. "We can do your room next," I offered. He scoffed, and muttered something under his breath. I pushed down my initial anger and didn't yell at him, or even reply if he was still going to sulk I was going to let him. Well I am finished, I am going to head up to the library and get some work done. He scoffed again and I ignored him.

I stared at my notebook from earlier and kept reliving the scene from the coffee shop. Alice's question about university sticking in my mind. When I was a kid I had dreams about going to university. To a place that treasured knowledge as much as I treasured learning. There was no question in Alice's mind that I was going to university, she knew I would go, just not where I would go. I felt a bit of a hollow ache within me. That was still a dream of mine. Buried deep under all the worries about magic. I wouldn't even know how to get into university, I had been gone from muggle education for seven years, and while at 12 I was way ahead of my peers, I was in no way finished with everything I would need for uni. I took out my list and added

7 allow students to keep nonmagical options open.

I started a fresh sheet of paper and wrote out

things to accomplish this summer.

1 go find parents

2 understand the process for getting into uni, and catch up on school work

3 help Mcgonagall rebuild

4 develop a plan for the impossible goals

5 finish cleaning out this house

6 establish myself in the wizengamot

7 find an exercise regimen and stick to it.

Ron walked into the library. His hands were shoved in his pockets, and there was still a scowl on his face. "Are you going to ignore me all day?" I took a deep breath and put down my pen. I found myself closing my eyes. " I am not ignoring you, I really do have a lot to do, and honestly you were an ass this morning. I know you don't like the muggle world, that its foreign and weird, that's why I didn't invite you along this morning. I am sorry if you felt hurt, but I was going out shopping for blankets and I didn't want you huffing if after 20 minutes I hadn't decided on what set I wanted."

"It wasn't that I wanted to go, you should have known better than to go out!"

I felt my temper slipping out

"Listen to yourself! I shouldn't go out?! The war is over! We are not going to be hunted thru the streets of muggle London anymore. I kept my wand on me, even if there was some sort of attack I could defend myself, long enough to get away. It's not like I was walking down knockturn alley!"

"That's not the point"

"Then what is your point?"

"You just went out, I didn't know where you were."

"I told Ginny I was going out."

"You didn't talk to me"

"You weren't there, Ginny was"

"But we didn't talk about you going out, you just went."

"If I want to go out that is my business"

"I thought this was something, that we were something."

"Ron, we are, it's just, I am not going to discuss every little thing with you. I don't think me going to get sheets for my bed has anything to do with us."

"You don't talk about anything, you just tore up the entryway yesterday without talking to anybody, you left this morning without even saying good bye."

"You were sleeping, I am not going to wake you up to say goodbye, just so you can be a grouch all day because I woke you up."

"I am not a grouch."

"You are too, every time you have to get woken up, it's nothing but complain. Every time dinner isn't right on time you whine. Everytime I try starting a conversation about something your eyes glaze over and you get this look that says I don't care."

he looked incredulous, like he couldn't believe what I was saying

"When was that?" He asked disbelief coloring his voice

"Three days ago when I was talking about the fact that this house is in shambles. When I was talking about preservation spell work. When I told you I was going to buy new sheets and you just said uh hugh. That's how I knew you didn't care about sheets, so why the fuck would I invite you this morning."

"So let me get this straight, you didn't invite me to get new sheets because I didn't say anything in the middle of you rambling on about preservation charms. Who the fuck cares about preservation charms?

"I care! That's the point! you don't even listen, why should I discuss things with you if you don't listen!"

"Maybe I wanted new sheets too! Did you think of that?"

"I am not your mother, if you want new sheets I expect you to be a big boy and say something."

"I shouldn't have to." he shot back. That's when I lost it. I stood up my voice hitting a new level of enraged. "What kind of 1950's shit do you think this is! I am not your fucking little woman that you get to control! You don't tell me when I leave! You don't get to tell me where I go! You certainly are not going to have me waiting hand and foot on you!"

"That is not what I fucking meant!"

"That's what it fucking sounds like!"

He screamed and hit the wall.

"Look I spent all day worrying about you, then **you** come home jabbering about sheets, of all the petty reasons to go out in that madness! Then **you** say I am the asshole because **you** didn't talk to me about where **you** were going! Then not only do you not care what I am sleeping on, the fact that I point it out means I am an even bigger bastard! You don't make any goddamned sense!"

"You don't listen at all! There is nothing out there that is a threat! There is no reason to be worried about me leaving this miserable shit hole for 3 whole fucking hours! You don't listen when I try to tell you what I am going through! You flip your shit when I try to fucking make this life slightly less miserable! And maybe if we fucking talked just slightly more than we fucked I we could make this work, but talking to each other involves listening, and you can't seem to fucking do that can you?"

"Fuck you!"

At that my calm finally came back to me.

"No." I took a deep breath and lowered my voice "We can't keep doing this to each other, if the only time we talk is to yell at each other this isn't going to work." I took another deep breath "Do you want this to work?"

I could see when my question hit him, I could see his rage leave him. I could see the hurt written across his face and it made me feel like shit.

"Yes I want it to work."

"I want it to work too."

"I hate when we fight."

"Sometimes it feels like that's all we do."

He stepped closer to me and wrapped me in his arms. I felt all our emotions collide and slide into one another as we just stood there holding each other.

authors note

Canon states that Ron and Hermione argue all the time. I've been in a house hold where that goes on all the time, both sides having valid points but neither one of them actually listening. It gets ugly fast. Cannon Ron isn't going to much like the version of Hermione I am presenting and it's going to be a very vocal fight. I am trying to get through this stage as quickly as believable. This fic is going to be a very slow build where Hermione slowly dismantles magical society and then reassembles it. That said I feel like Ron deserves a believable exit as a result there will be more fights hope it doesn't trigger too much for those that are sensitive to such things.


	5. Reliquiae

Disclaimer, You know the drill, anything you recognize doesn't belong to me.

Ron and I broke in the new mattress that night. And while our sex had all the fire of our previous fight I couldn't help but feel like it was temporary. Ron marveled at the mattress and declared he was sleeping on my superior bed. I was too tired to argue. By morning I was regretting it. Ron and I didn't share a bed well. He thrashed in his sleep, and I tended to steal all the blankets and unconsciously kick him until I could claim every ounce of space for myself. We kept trying, but unless we were having sex, we just didn't belong in bed together. I got up and stretched out my back. I got in a hot shower and let the heat unclench my back. I walked back into the room and found Ron still snoring away, he seemed to have found the blankets I had abandoned. I looked at my notes from the previous night, so much to get done. Time to put these in order,

1 finish cleaning this house

2 find an exercise regime

3 go find parents

4 understand process for getting into uni

5 help rebuild Hogwarts

6 establish myself in the wizenmagot, to further understand the complexities of my impossible problems

7 establish plan to fix the impossible problems

Ok so timeline I've got nine weeks until sept 1, the house shouldn't take more than three days, especially with Ginny helping. Finding exercise, I suppose I could look up books in a public library, a public library, the magicals need a public library, add that to the list of impossible tasks. Ok back on track, I bet a librarian could help me figure out how to get into university. It should only take a day to figure out the hows, then it's just going to have to be part of my daily routine to exercise, and study mundane subjects. Finding my parents is going to be tricky. I have a standard pointme spell, but really that is only going to give me a cardinal direction. I need something specialized, I bet the Blacks have locator magic in their library. I really do need to go thru that library and catalog everything there. Maybe I can recruit ginny to help me with that. Ok with a proper spell finding them should take about a week with travel and whatnot. So that is at least 2 weeks before I can start helping at hogwarts, longer if I can't find a good locator spell. I have no idea when the new minister is to be elected, or when the interim wants to hold the ceremony giving the three of us awards and seats. So finding a public library, and writing to the headmistress, are definitely on today's agenda, also talk to ginny about teaming up to finish cleaning. And I am guessing I am going to have to get more mattresses soon, or I will never get Ron out of my bed. OK letter to the headmistress first. I pulled out fresh parchment

Dear Headmistress,

I would be delighted to help, I have some loose ends I need to tie up here before I can come. The primary of which would be checking on my parents. I do not know where they are presently located. If you have a good location spell I could be there sooner rather than later. Also if anyone knows a cataloging spell for libraries that could speed up my research into finding such a spell.

Respectfully yours,

Hermione Granger

I need an Owl. Fuck why can't they just have telephones. I got dressed and left a note next to the bed about flooing to the post office. I went to the kitchen and started a fire. I thought about it, why go to the post office, this wouldn't be the last letter I need to send, I need to get an owl of my own. I flooed to diagon Alley and walked to Elyops Owl Emporium. I walked in and was shocked at the shelves of empty cages, there were only 4 owls in the whole shop. "Wow" I said out loud, a very worn out woman came into view, "Sorry, about the selection, we can't seam to keep up with demand. Seems like the only owls to survive the war were our breeding stock" "Oh my god, well I suppose I'll take that one." I pointed to a scared dark gray owl, that looked like he had a lot of fight in him. I came up to the cage, you're a survivor aren't you?" The owl opened his hard eyes and stared at me. He had white feathers in a line across his chest, and I knew that he would fight for his right to live. I opened up the cage and reached in as the shopkeeper tried to warn me off. He looked like he might take a chunk out of me, but then he cautiously stepped on to my arm. "Well I'll be, that hawk owl has been nothing but mean since he showed up here two weeks ago. He has hissed at everyone but you, and if anyone tried to take him out of that cage they left with bleeding wounds.

"well he isn't my first survivor, well what to name you, survivor seems a bit obvious, how about Reliquiae?" He hoped from my arm to my shoulder, how he landed without digging in claws I have no idea, but I took it for a yes. "How much for him"

The shop keeper looked at me, slightly embarrassed, "20 gallons."

I looked at the three other owls left, and guessed that it would be years before their shop recovered enough to let the prices come back down, I fished in my purse and brought out the gold,"What is your name?"

"I am Miranda," She said nervously, and I wondered if she recognized me.

"Well Miranda I hope the shop recovers, and that your business prospers" I handed over the money and walked into the street. The alley was almost completely empty, some of the shops were burned out and boarded up, some were clearly in the middle of rebuilding.

I didn't realize that when the battle for Hogwarts happened, a lot of the shopkeeps that were unwilling to join were torched before the deatheaters reinforced their master. When I was staring at the burned out building I tripped over a cobble stone. I shook my head, and pulled out my wand. I transfigured an area of the street into a smooth slab of granite. I looked at the burned out store, and wiped my eyes. And carved into it

"Here good Witches and Wizards Died because they Refused to contribute to an Evil Genocide"

It took a few minutes to carve it, and when I was done, a half dozen people had gathered around. I looked up and saw the pain that was in my eyes reflected in theirs. I conjured a bouquet of flowers and laid it below the message. Mine was the first, but not the last. I looked around and we shared a slight nod of acknowledgement before we parted ways. I sent my letter with Reli, and then flooed home.

Ginny was awake, and had started breakfast, and we chatted about sorting the library and finishing off the cleaning of the house.. We began work in Ron's room, as he was still sleeping in mine. It took no time at all get everything done, and we moved throughout the house. The day was uneventful, and dinner was a nice break and slightly celebratory for the two girls that had finished cleaning.

"Do you know of any spells for locating people?"

"No with mom's clock we never really need to think about it" Ginny replied

"Why do you ask?" Ron interrupted his mouth full of food

Hermione gave him a hard stare until he swallowed, then she answered

"I am going to australia to find my parents soon, and having a spell to do slightly more than point me would help."

"Wait we never talked about you leaving the country" Ron said, heat already coloring his words.

"We are talking about it now Ronald."

"There is no way you are leaving the country!"

She closed her eyes, she bit her tongue, last night's arguments coming immediately to the front of her mind. She took a deep breath, "Look Ron my therapist and I talked and she thinks it would help me to see them, even if I can't bring their memories back. I was planning on going next week, but before then I want to find a spell to make it easier."

"You can't just leave the country!"

Hermione kept her voice very low, and chose her words very carefully,"Ron, I need to find my parents, you can either help me, or pout, but you are not going to change my mind." She continued eating her dinner as the rest of the table sat in silent tension.

"Hermione, why are you doing this, it is just, we just got here, we are safe, there is no need to go out there now." Ron's voice was also low, but his words were laced with fear.

"Ron, you know where your family are, you know what has happened to them, you know that they have survived. I don't know anything about my parents, where they are or what they are doing, or how they are coping to their new lives. It is finally safe for me to find them, I am no longer hunted by death eaters, or snatchers. We won the war, that means instead of being forced to hide here, I need to get out there and do what needs to be done. You throwing a conniption fit every time I go to step out the door, isn't going to change that."

"You are not going out there alone, not to another country, that is just absurd."

"Ron I don't have any paperwork for you, no passports, I haven't gotten tickets yet, but just getting you thru customs is going to be a nightmare."

"What the hell are you talking about? Have you arranged a portkey? Or even contacted the ministry in Australia to figure out if you coming poses a problem?"

"I was just going to fly, it is simpler that way."

"You hate to fly!"

"Not on a broom, in a plane, muggle means I don't have to fuss with magical documents, or people panicking when I leave the country."

"That's ridiculous, why can't you just do things the **normal** way?"

"Fuck you Ron! WE JUST FOUGHT A GOD DAMNED WAR SO I CAN LIVE IN THIS WORLD AND MINE! So I can walk out into the world I was born in. So I can bring into your world ideas, and technology and I don't know mattresses that are comfortable, and FUCK! Why are you so against me going into a world I have navigated my whole life?!"

"It is not safe out there, I don't care if you think the war is over! How many of the death eaters are still alive? Hugh? What are you going to do if you run into Lucius Malfoy?"

"I will probably beat the shit out of him, just like I did last time I saw the fucking bastard!" She took a deep breath and tried to calm down. "I know they are still out there. That's why I was going to fly the muggle way, that way no one records where I put my parents!"

Harry stood up, and stared at them, looking from one to the other. The entire table sat in silent tension

"Stop" he said quietly, everyone heard him. everyone was quiet. He sat down and started eating his meal in earnest.

"Harry? How are you feeling?" Ginny asked her voice shaky. He looked at her, "I am a little annoyed," he pointed his fork at the arguing couple in front of him. "But annoyed is still better than…" He waved his hand, as he didn't really have words to describe his mood before. "There is no real way to describe it, like being drunk without drinking, like floating just underwater. To be honest it all kinda runs together, we killed him, and then, it's all kinda fuzzy" Hermione was up and pulling harry into a hug. Ron had stood and was slapping him on the back. Ginny looked like christmas had come early. The hugs and the talking went round in joyish circles. The argument was forgotten. They talked about the house, and how the cleaning had gone, and about how good the entryway looked. They talked about having furniture delivered, and that yes cataloging the library would help in the long run. Ron talked about the ministry offering to accept the three of them straight into the auror academy. Hermione scoffed at that and argued that they should all go back and get their NEWTS. Ginny laid a hand on her shoulder and said in a gentle voice, "Don't push." Hermione heard her therapist's voice, are you a friend or a keeper? "Well it's up to you guys whether or not you want to go back, I am not going to make your decisions for you. But I am definitely going back, I need my NEWTS." They planned to go look at new furniture tomorrow, and for the first time in a long time everyone went to bed happy.


	6. A good day of minor events

Hermione woke up floating on a cloud of comfort. Last night was so good, so very good. Laughter and old stories, and even plans for the future that didn't involve Ron and I yelling at each other. It was wonderful to hear Harry speak, to have him interact again. It was like letting out a breath you didn't know you were holding. They had planned a trip to the furniture store, and then to the bedding store. Maybe even lunch out. Harry was excited, and Ron seemed less upset than anyone had seen him in the last few weeks. Hermione lounged in bed with a book on different rune languages, and luxuriated in the lingering happiness. She would have stayed in bed longer if Reliquae didn't start tapping on the window. Hermione let him in and again he landed on her shoulder. He was bearing a small letter that had the Hogwarts crest stamped into the wax.

Dear Hermione,

I of course understand you wrapping up obligations before coming to help. Many people are having similar situations and I am guessing people will be coming and going as they need. There are few spells for what you are looking for, however there is an old ritual that might fit the bill. If you have a map of the area, and are looking for your blood relations, you can use your own blood to locate the rough area of where they are. I have included instructions on the following page. Madam Price has let me know that there are several methods to catalog a library. The easiest of which is the narro chartus spell, which will write out a scroll that lists the title of every magical book within an enclosed space. It will only work with hand written books, and it will record the name that the writer thought fitting, even if the publisher thought otherwise. The spell has several drawbacks, as it only works for the handwritten volumes, and there is no way for you to know where in the library the volume is located. The tougher option is the huiusmodi spell. She says that this spell is best done on a small collection of books, no more than a hundred at a time. It will physically move books and sort them according to category. She suggests providing about a dozen boxes and putting an anchor book in each box, so if you were sorting according to subject you would put essential transfiguration into one box, and the charming book of charms in another. She also suggests a dicta quill, and human labor. Between the three methods you should be able to get a good handle on any private library. I hope this helps you, and I greatly look forward to seeing you soon. Please do try to stay out of trouble between now and then.

Sincerely

Minerva Mcgonagall

Looking at the second page revealed a mostly straightforward ritual that involved minimal rune work, and mostly one's own blood. It would work to narrow down the area, though it might need to be repeated several times to get the best information possible. The library was going to take time, and a lot of tedious work Hermione honestly thought about putting a hold on the project until later, but having it organized might reveal all sorts of treasures. But not today, today was going to be adventures in furniture stores, and possibly a trip to the public library. Wouldn't that make the day just perfect. Bright with anticipation she started down the stairs and into the kitchen that already had harry fixing breakfast. A smile broke out over her face. " It is so good to have you back"

"You just missed the bacon" He snorted, trying to make light of her comments.

"Well yes, there is that, but I really missed you, it's not the same without you." She continued on sincerely.

"Yes, I started to see that towards the end of the floating."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No" he stopped and reflected, "Not yet, honestly I am kinda afraid if I dwell on it it is going to come back."

"Well when you are ready I can introduce you to my shrink, she was really good at letting me get some stuff straight. Anyways do you want to buy furniture today?"

"Yeah I think so, You are right, it's time to get this place feeling like a home, Sirius would have wanted us to be comfortable, to really live well, you know?"

"Yeah, we are gonna need to go to the bank, I had enough notes for the mattress, but not really for trying to buy enough for the house. Also we should make a list of the rooms and what we want to get."

"You can make a list, just don't expect us to get everything in one go, Ginny was telling me about Ron's..." he paused trying to find a polite way to describe the gingers paranoid behavior "Reluctance to leave the house."

"Yeah, I am hoping that the three of us can show him there is nothing to be afraid of."

"You don't think there will be trouble getting to the bank, I haven't been out, you don't think we will run into Rita Skeeter do you?"

" No it's unlikely, but if you like Ginny and I can go to the bank first, then come back here." "How have you guys been getting by these last few weeks?"

"Well mostly it was just going from one funeral to another, Kreacher made sure there was always food, I don't know how he keeps everything stocked. Bill and Arthur have been really good about wrangling everybody. Making sure we put in an appearance at all the funerals."

"I kinda remember funerals, its just really compressed, like …. I don't know, I didn't do anything embarrassing did I?"

"No, we all got thru it, the worst thing to happen was me attacking Lucuis Malfoy."

"You did what?!"

"Well at Snape's funeral, afterwards when we were walking away, I lost my shit. I pulled my wand on fucking Malfoy, and Ginny grabbed it out of my hand before I could curse him. So I just kinda tackled him and started beating the shit out of him. Charlie and Bill pulled me off, but not before I broke a nose."

"Holy fuck! what the hell happened after that?"

"Nothing, everyone kinda hushed it up, but after I hit the minister they mandated that I go to counseling or I would go to Azkaban. Has it been helping?"

"Well the lady I just saw was nice, but the first guy was a sniveling little shit"

"Wow, I don't really remember you cussing this much"

"Well things change, I am done pretending that this world is awesome, I am calling a spade a spade, and while they have convinced me beating the shit out of people won't help, it did feel really good to feel Malfoy's face crack under my fist."

Harry was shaking his head, but instead of looking horrified he was smiling. "We are gonna get past this, its going to feel better. Lets avoid the wizarding world for another day. Kreacher?" "Yes sir?" The elf popped into existence, his tea towel was clean, if a bit ragged, and he was looking better than he used to.

"Can you get money out of my vault?"

"Yes, sir."

"Can you get it converted into muggle notes?"

"Yes, the goblins charge extra, but we can do it"

"Well get a thousand gallons converted."

"Yes sir" he popped away.

"Harry that is a lot of money, the conversion rate is at 5 knuts to a pound."

"Oh, I never really thought about it, so I just,?"

"Kreacher should be bringing about 102,000 pounds, probably slightly less depending how assholish the goblins are feeling."

"Well, that should be enough for furniture, and we will have enough notes to float around here for a while, after camping and starving I don't ever want us to have to worry about not having access to our money." He scratched his head "Wow I never really thought about how expensive everything is in the alley, and robes and, wow I am really lucky my parents set up that trust. Why is it all so expensive?"

"Well most of the wizarding families in charge have piles of wealth, so they don't much care, and they really look down on muggles, and thus by having a skewed exchange rate they ensure that the incoming muggle borns are burdened with more hurdles. I was really fortunate that my parents were really well off, but just buying my school supplies was more than most private school tuition. Wealth is very concentrated in the old pureblood lines, it makes a very insular community very turbulent. Its why people were so ready to join Voldemort, they figured if they curried favor with the up and coming dictator that they would be rewarded. There are a lot of witches and wizards just scraping by living on the fringes of society, ready to grovel to the Malfoys just so they can get a job as a boot licker. A lot of witches and wizards can get by on very little money, but pride prevents them from saying anything. Ever wonder why our class only had 40 people in it, and everyone seemed to be fairly well off except for the Weasleys? Most that can't afford the supplies just home school their kids, but without decent owls or newts it is a self perpetuating cycle. There isn't much opportunity to advance, and when you have muggle borns coming in and 'stealing' jobs and resources, people use them as scapegoats."

"How do you know all of this?"

"Well I have been thinking a lot about what caused the wars, and its amazing what people tell me when I am pissed off. It's like they think if they feed me information I will be less mad, when in reality all of those facts reveal a royally fucked society that is constantly on the brink. All it takes is a charismatic maniac that tells people what they want to hear, and then bam more war. I have been trying to figure out what needs to be done to prevent the next Dark Lord."

"Voldemort's dead, there is no next one"

"Prejudice still exists, this society is still horribly broken, and there are still thousands of witches and wizards living at the on the edge, waiting for something better." Harry rubbed his face, and tried to shake out what she had just said. " So what do we do?"

"I am working on it"

"In between buying furniture, and rearranging the library, and going to find your parents?" "Yeah pretty much, it's what simmers in the back of my brain when I am busy with other stuff."

"Do you need help?"

"Of course, but I need a plan before I can ask for people to help. It's just that the more I think about the underlying causes of the problems, the more all the problems seem to get tangled, so its really hard to know where to start. It helps that Voldemort lost in so public a way, that buys us time, and some credibility. The ministry is has awarded us with order of Merlins, first class, and that comes with the cash bonus and we each get a seat on the Wizengamot."

"Um wow, when did this happen?"

"Well the pinning ceremony was held off until you were...more awake, and now I am going to contact the minister about hopefully having that happen in the next month or so."

"Have you tried talking to anybody else about this?"

"Most people are still griving, or well, they don't understand or don't care. Kingsley is the acting Minister and he is so busy trying to restore basic function, that he doesn't have time to talk about what needs to be changed."

"Oh my god are you already boring Harry to death" Ron interrupted as he wandered into the kitchen pouring himself tea, and helping himself to a very sizable portion of breakfast.

"Well I am going to go check on Ginny, see if she is up" Harry got up from the table.

"You shouldn't overwhelm him, we just got him back." Ron commented between mouthfuls.

Hermione thought about it, she hadn't really thought about overwhelming harry, she had just gotten started and couldn't really stop herself, her anger was morphing into passion, into drive, and it was about to consume her, she could feel it the same way she would get swept up in research projects. It had that same bubbling of energy that was going to soon demand all of her attention, and she didn't have time for it, there was too much going on to tuck herself away in a library and research the social conventions and recent magical history that were the contributing factors to the current economic and political structure. She knew the basics, she needed to figure out how to fix it, and do that while preparing for school, helping rebuild said school, being a good friend, and trying to find her family, and figure out how to go to uni and if she still wanted that. Who was she kidding of course she wanted that. She really needed to get to public library so she could start in on the many projects that were hanging over her head.

"Earth to Hermione, come in Hermione" Harry's voice broke her out of her thought train. She smiled at him, and Ron and Ginny seemed confused, "uh what" Ron asked clearly not understanding the reference. "Never mind it Ron, it is a muggle phrase"

"Are we ready?" Ginny asked.

"Yep" Harry passed Hermione a stack of 100 pound notes, you are in charge of money. Hermione felt a little nervous, but put them into her beaded bag.

They walked to the nearest furniture store, the one that had impressed Hermione with their customer service. Ron was a little edgy, but as they walked into the showroom, he lost his preoccupation. Harry gravitated to some of the more modern furniture, and Ginny was gobsmacked at the sheer variety. Hermione talked about making sure that pieces that were going in the same room should have similar styles, or at the very least not clash. Eventually they had a very friendly sales team helping coordinate what pieces should go where. Ginny wanted the master suite to be a little more traditional, and delighted in picking out a matching set that was ornately carved, but was still very masculine. Ron laid on every mattress, and declared that muggles were the best. He picked out an entire bedroom set, and even color coordinated a rug and chairs. Hermione made sure the sitting room, living room, and lounge all coordinated and were in a clean cool style. The sitting room was more traditional, and the living room and lounge were more modern. They were all in shades of blue, green and chocolate that Harry preferred. Gold accents in the pillows and rugs warmed up the selections, and after living thru a war, none of them seemed to favor the scarlet of their childhood. They ordered everything to be delivered to number 11 grimmauld place, with the strict instructions that workers were to wait for the home owner in the front of the house, it would be easiest to confound 2 delivery men then to write the secret out on a work order. Hermione paid in an exorbitant amount of cash, that had the sales lady astounded that these kids were walking around with thousands of pounds on their persons.

They went out to lunch, with Harry declaring he wanted Pizza. When Hermione mentioned that she wanted to find a library the groans were universal. She asked the waiter if he knew where the nearest public library was. He did and she wrote down instructions on how to get there. After Pizza, which Ron and Ginny thoroughly enjoyed, "Muggles are the best." They debated whether to do more shopping or to find the library. They decided to walk to the library and stop at any shops they wanted to on the way. A fine tea store received their business, as did a candy store, and a clothing store. Everyone got outfits, and Both Harry and Ron loved getting clothing that was only theirs, not having hand me down jeans seemed to lift both their spirits even higher. By time they reached the library everyone was in a good enough mood to let Hermione convince a librarian to give them a full tour and explain how the new computers worked, and how the dewey decimal system worked. While Harry and Hermione took to the computers like ducks to water Ron was confused, and Ginny looked ashen. "Gin what's wrong?"

"I am not supposed to trust something to think if I know it doesn't have a brain." Hermione closed her eyes and promised to explain how computers mimicked thinking. While her friends were perusing the shelves Hermione asked the librarian about furthering her education. "Let us suppose my parents and I left the country 7 years ago to go live in the Aussie Outback, that while they were great at teaching me everything possible, I have no school records from age 12 on, how would I go about trying to get into university." The librarian looked horrified, and then walked her over to the counter. She had hermione look over basic textbooks while she started to search into the problem. 6 phone calls later had uncovered that were new A level classes being offered online, but that it would be mostly self study for the next two years. She wrote down contact information, and started explaining what a disservice her parents had done her. Hermione felt bad letting the librarian slander her parents, who would of loved nothing more than for Hermione to have her A levels, and get into University. Hermione took the information, and started to load up on related texts. She got basic computing and the internet for dummies so she could explain computers to Ginny. She found interesting books that talked about community planning, economics and comparative governments. Her light reading was limited to 16 books. She thought about going out to buy a laptop, but thought she needed to see if grimmauld could get electricity and the internet before committing to that kind of expense. The left their arms straining with the heavy texts, and made sure to find a private corner before the books went into the beaded bag. They started back towards grimmauld, but were now along a different route, one that took them by a gym. Hermione debated going in but decided to let it wait another day, everyone was ready to go home, it had been a very busy, busy day.


	7. How exhausting

The next 3 days were spent sorting the library. Harry convinced Hermione to take Ron with her to Australia. Hermione looked into getting electricity into the house. As the house itself was no longer part of the muggle power grid, or really muggle records at all it was looking impossible. The Wards on the house would interfere and while they could be worked around it would take shielding the power lines with warding of their own. Harry was excited at the idea, and that excitement kept her spending precious time looking into the problem. On day three she was hit with the epiphany of solar panels, if she could properly shield them, no one would need to worry about messing with muggle memories. Yet while power was possible, internet was not. Not without dealing with muggles, and lifting the fidelus, something that none of them were willing to do.

Hermione found herself completely engrossed by the muggle text books, they enthralled her in a nostalgic way. For three days and nights the house was blissful, with library sorting, contestant studying and getting rid of the unwanted furniture. A day before she was due to see her councilor again she reminded herself that she needed to get an exercise regimen started. She smiled at Harry and Ron playing chess and told them she was going to the gym they saw on the way home, Ron started to say something but Harry cut him off, "Ok Hermione, have fun, stay safe, keep your wand on you." She smiled at both of them and left before Ron could argue with both of them. She enjoyed her walk, and wondered at the nervous tension she could feel building.

She had never been to a gym, she hopped she didn't make a fool of herself. She walked in and saw a very fit woman just slightly older than herself sitting at a reception desk. "Hi, I am kinda new here, and was hoping you guys might have a fitness class or something. "The woman smiled and pulled out a schedule and started explaining what was offered. Hermione decided against the martial arts classes, she was already tempted to hit people, no need to get better at that. She also shied away from the Yoga wanting something a little more demanding. She was assured that the dance classes were highly aerobic and generally good fun. She signed up for some and was given a tour of the gym. She met a personal trainer and purchased appropriate clothing, and promised to be there bright and early the next day to start with the basics. She made it home in time for dinner and started chattering away about it. Ginny was interested, and decided she would come along, Harry and Ron both looked at the girls like they were mental.

The next morning was an a humbling experience. The last time she had thought about regular exercise was when she was in primary school and they forced everyone to play kickball, or heaven forbid dodge ball. The weights were heavy, the exercises difficult, and she swore that nothing should be this exhausting. Her trainer was sweet, telling her it would get easier, but then stern, when it gets easier, that's when you have to make it harder again. Ginny fared a little better, and didn't complain as much, claiming that this felt like it could give her an edge next year in Quidditch. It was the longest hour of Hermione's life, and by the end she wanted nothing more than to collapse on the floor. Her trainer, Rose, insisted that instead she needed a shower and a huge breakfast, with plenty of protein. She was right, after a shower, and a breakfast that made Ron stare, she felt fantastic. Unable to sit still and simply read she told everyone she was leaving for her counseling session, and walked out of the house. She stopped at a bookstore, and bought maps and guide books to Australia. She loaded up on textbooks from subjects that always intrigued her from a distance but she never really had time to study. Not that she had time now, but she would make time damit, life was too short not to know.

Her arms loaded with physics books, advanced maths, and English lit classics that her mother used to rave about. She also picked up how to books on home wiring and other basic electrical how tos. She wandered over to the bestseller table and picked up a few, most of them seemed to be who done it, or military epics, and there was of course a Danielle Steel romance novel. Although there was one that intrigued her, Memoirs of a Geisha. She picked it up and added it to the very heavy stack in her arms. She wandered over to the checkout line and smiled at the boy that rang up her eclectic array of books.

She checked the time and was still amazed that she had an hour before she was due to see the counselor. She decided to read in the reception area, no need to risk running late by starting another errand. She waited in the small reception area, and tried not to laugh at how her presence set the receptionist on edge. Hermione couldn't blame her really, two weeks ago she had hit a counselor, last week she had been screaming and crying and ripping pillows to pieces, thank Merlin for magic. This week she felt like a completely different person. When she was called in she couldn't help but feel a little smug, one week in and progress was already being felt.

Her counselor sat in front of her and barely let her get settled before her gentle voice started the conversation, "So what has been going on."

"Harry woke up."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, he is still a little fragile, and he doesn't want to talk, not that I blame him, he is scared it's all going to reverse."

"What else?"

"You were right, exercise is amazing!"

"I take it you are still feeling the endorphin rush."

"Yeah, it's better than coffee, and I just, I feel great."

"That's good, it won't always alter you this much, but as a daily part of your life it will continue to help relieve stress and keep you healthy. So what else has been going on?"

"I made a list, of the long term projects I want to accomplish." She passed over the list.

"Wow, that is a lifetime of work"

"Yeah but I promised myself that, well I wouldn't let what happened to me happen to another muggleborn girl."

"You do realize reshaping society is not a quick or easy task, attitudes are fluid, but this much change hasn't been seen in hundreds of years."

"I know, but what is the use of putting up with being the brightest witch of our age if I don't put it to good use."

"Does it bother you that people label you?"

"Yes, but I would rather be the brightest witch rather than, what was it, Potter's mudblood."

"Do you think that's how people see you?"

"Yeah some of them were very vocal about it, others were even more extreme in their expression." Hermione found herself tracing the scar on her arm, at least Bellatrix had decent carving skill, the cursive was quite pretty, if one didn't understand the slur they would think it might be an intentional marking.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" she asked gesturing to the mark that Hermione was tracing.

Hermione hesitated, she knew it was probably good to talk about it, but it had been such a good day, why ruin it with memories. But that was part of these sessions, to fully understand what had happened, and how it had affected her. "In the last year of the war, the very active year, Harry, Ron and I were on the run. We crossed the countryside looking for…" She stopped and waited, Horcruxes were a taboo subject, but it was part of everything, to try and pretend they didn't exist was counterproductive to the point of therapy. "Horcruxes, for Voldemort's Horcruxes. Shards of that monster's soul. They were evil, absolutely evil. Two of them were destroyed before we started. One of them we had to carry with us until we could destroy it. It tore us apart. It whispered foul things in your mind, made every little thing irritating, and took our hope and sucked it out, like a dementor, but it did it quietly, did it slowly, so you didn't really know if what you were thinking was because of it, or if what you were feeling was from you? In the months of searching, we found nothing, we kept trying to think like him, where would I put pieces of my soul if I wanted to keep them safe, but also find fitting places, places that would be suitable for a soul. It was an impossible task, we knew it, we did it anyway It was further complicated by being hunted, Fucking HUNTED like we were goddamned didn't see anyone for months, fucking months of cold and hunger, the food I packed only lasted so long. And then Ron left. He left…" The flood gate broke open then, and she sobbed and sobbed, the pain tearing thru her as she wailed. "He left us, he left me. It was the locket, of course it was the locket, but it, we, we were supposed to be together, he and I and Harry we were all we had to fight the world, and he left, and it didn't matter that we were all best friends since 1st year, it didn't matter that he and I, that we liked each other. It wasn't enough. He left and it felt so hollow, and Harry and I carried on, we kept looking. And after, I don't even know how long, we kinda pulled back together. Ron came back, with the sword of Gryffindor and he and Harry destroyed the it looked like we were finally making some progress, then we got snatched." Her face hardened as she recounted being drug to the manor, how Draco refused to confirm who they were. How when the sword was spotted Bellatrix lost her shit. "I don't remember most of it. It hurt. It felt surreal, like my god this doesn't happen, this is to unreal, this can't happen in real life. This is what gets written in books by over dramatic writers. But it happened" her voice dropped to a near whisper, as if by not being too loud she could somehow minimize the truth. "She held me down, and carved a fucking word onto my arm, and at least she had good skill, right, look at this cursive, its beautiful, its so fucking pretty…" her silent tears started to stutter, but instead of sobs hysterical laughter bubbled out of her. It was a while before her laughter died down and the tears started to flow again. "So much of it is a blur, one of the only things I remember was seeing Lucius Goddamned Malfoy smiling." Her voice got low, and dangerous and had lost the hysteria "I wish I could kill him, I wish I could hold him down and slowly carve pretty slurs onto his fucking body. I wish I could smile at him at the worst fucking moment of his life. That is why I am here I suppose, because I don't ever think I am going to not want to kill him, I don't ever think I can be in the same room as him and not want to beat him senseless, and then take a knife to his fucking smile."

She looked up at the calm stillness of the woman before her. This woman was ready for this, she was unflappable, she had faced demons, she could help Hermione face hers.

"How do I fix this, this feeling, it feels impossible, that list, that feels easy next to this. I understand, why I am angry, but I just can't not be angry, I can't, how do I fix this?"

"You don't, you focus on what you can fix, we work on making a better world and a better you, and time will lessen the impulse, but I don't expect that anger to change, its up to us, you and me to figure out how to focus on life, and not on the anger."

Hermione felt her hopes collapse, this woman seemed so good, surely she could fix this, this easily understandable, and justifiable urge to murder another human being. There was no answer, and wasn't that just exhausting. There was a deep silence while Hermione took deep breaths and tried to focus on her body and not her racing thoughts.

"What do you have planned for next week?"

"Finding my parents" funny how just saying that brought back the tight feeling in her chest, the nervousness and anxiety of what was going to be another impossible task.

"Any worries?"

"What if they recognize me? What if they hate me? What if they hate their lives?"

"What can you do?"

"I don't know, I can't give back the memories, they are gone now, I can just hope that they that if they that if they did know, that they would understand why I did it."

"Why did you do it?"

"To keep them safe, they wouldn't leave on their own, I tried to explain, but when they wouldn't agree, I took their choice from them."

"Would you do it again?"

"Yeah, especially after being, cruicoed, I wouldn't let them go thru that"

"Keep in mind the context, not just the actions. There are reasons you did what you did, as horrifying as it feels, remember what would have happened otherwise. Your actions while horrifying were a preventive measure. Are you going to go alone or bring someone with you?

"I am going to bring Ron with me" She reflected on it "He has been a little better since Harry woke up, but he has been very paranoid and doesn't want anyone to leave the house. We have been working on bringing him out into the muggle world to show him that there isn't anything to be afraid of, but he still wants to throw a fit any of us go out alone, especially me.

Do you think he is going to be able to be supportive if you need him to be?

I think so, dragging him halfway across the world via muggle means is going to be, stressful. But I think it is going to be worth it, he needs to see the world isn't going to burn around us, and we could use some bonding time, our relationship has been strained for the last few weeks, He was great during the funerals, when we needed comfort in one another we found it. But since then he has been edgy, and almost controlling. He never wants me to leave the house and we keep fighting over it. He doesn't want me to go back to Hogwarts and fuck that was a screaming match. He finally seems to have figured out that I am going to do what I need to do, but he still isn't happy about any of it. I am hoping that this trip can help us, help him to see that the world isn't as scary anymore.

"I take it you believe in multitasking"

"Well yes, right now I have so much to do, every hour I find myself trying desperately to catch up in the muggle world, or to plan something, or well just trying to balance our household seems impossible, I used to be very angry at the thought of house elves, but between the cleaning and the sorting, I am so glad that Kreacher does the laundry and the cooking, we have been cleaning up the town house, and wow, all the details; the furniture, and the drapes and the rugs and the floors and the dust, and looking up charms for shine, and don't get me started on the bathrooms. But it needs to get done, it is helping all of us to see the house clean. Harry snapped out of it, and I had started the cleaning for me, but when he came around I realized that it did all of us some good. It is almost done, furniture arrives in 3 days, and then I think I am just going to let it be."

"You will move on to the next project?"

"Well yes, that is when I plan on booking the flight to find my parents."

"And I see on this list you plan to take your A levels at the end of next year, I thought you were going to Hogwarts?"

" Yes, but I know Mcgonagall was planning on giving those of us above age the ability to leave the castle, I thought I might rent a muggle flat and have internet and online access."

"So during the day you plan to finish Hogwarts, and during the night you plan to take your A levels?"

"Yes."

"People have understated your over achieving." She took a deep breath "So is it not enough to be the best in the wizarding world, you have to cram 6 years of muggle education into your spare time?"

"It's not entirely six years, I used to be quite ahead when I left the muggle system, and my parents enrolled me in summer classes my first two summers home. Honestly I could probably do fairly well on any placement tests, I am only really a year or two behind."

"Are you sure you want to put yourself under this much stress, is going to university worth it?"

"How can you ask that? You have been in the muggle world! You have been to university. All my childhood I was told how smart I was. I was teased and bullied and when I came home in tears my mother would tell me it would all be worth it when I got older, when i went to college and left them all in the dust. Maybe that is why, maybe it is because I want to be in a place where learning is taken seriously, where-"

"Hold it, university isn't always like that, most people take that time to figure out who they are, learning is not always the priority."

"But what about all, everyone says-"

"Once you get into the upper year classes, yes learning is taken very seriously, but in reality people are just people, don't think that everyone will be as eager for knowledge as you are.

"I still want to do it, I think a muggle education will help me complete my impossible tasks."

The counselor closed her eyes and could see that she wasn't going to win this fight. "Alright, your homework is to continue exercising every day, make a list of muggle subjects you want to take and why, and list out as many contributing factors to your impossible tasks. Next week if you are in country I expect to see you, if you are not, I expect to see you when you come back, no later than 30 hours after you land."

"Ok"

Hermione felt drained as she left, she apparated home, and wandered into a much different home from last week. the entry way was clear and bright, there was laughter in the lounge, and the floors gleamed brightly. Most of the rooms were empty, and it made her happy to see the new spaces. She smiled weakly at her friends and told them she was tired and going to bed. She didn't even register their reactions as she turned and went to climb into her now comfortable bed.


	8. A flight full of memories

Getting Ron thru customs was a nightmare. He was scared of the authority, of the metal detectors, and irritated at the long line. He didn't understand why they had to be early for their flight, and the sheer scale of the airport had him on edge. Hermione was worried about him, he had been quiet, a thing that was never good. She found their gate, and nearby saw a Burger King, and inspiration hit. She paid for their biggest burger and a mountain of fries and got herself a root beer, and a chicken sandwich.

It was all worth it to see the paranoid scowl disappear into bliss as Ron devoured the fast food. Hermione fingered the sleeping pills in her pocket, it was too early to give them to him, she would have to wait until they were on the plane, and then there was no way they would take effect before take off, they would however help make the very long flight bearable. She had spluged and gotten them first class, it was very expensive but she figured it would make getting Ron thru this easier.

She had both of their wands under her shirt and was trying to ignore the uncomfortable itch that they created. There had to be a better way to carry their most important tool. She had seen holsters, but they looked very out of place in public. She had seen luna put hers in her hair, but that wouldn't work with these outrageous curls. This hair of mine has snapped proper hair combs and bent head bands and there was no way I would trust myself to not break my wand when I needed it most. She had thought about putting them in her beaded bag, but honestly it was hard enough to find anything in there, let alone a wand when you needed it. She pulled her bag from under her shirt as well, it was too useful to leave behind but she did not want to know what they would see thru an x-ray machine. They were thru security now and she fingered the small purple beads, this bag was not easy to make, the charm was easy enough if you wanted to cast it everyday, but one morning she forgot and well it was chaos. She had spent hours cleaning up the mess, and then days after that trying to figure out how to make the charm permanent, or at least longer lasting. She had ended up sewing tiny runes into the lining, it took 54 different runes to make the spell self renewing, and it required a magical energy source, her. It was one of the reasons she carried the bag around everywhere. She looked up to see Ron had finished his meal and was staring out the window watching planes land and take off.

"You are sure this is safe"

"Yes Ron, far safer than the car you and Harry crashed into a tree."

"I miss that car, it was a good car, it saved us from spiders you know."

"I know, I am glad everything worked out, but honestly this is way safer."

"Ok."

His hand reached out for mine and I tried to be reassuring in its grip. The time slowly ticked down, and I encouraged Ron to use the bathroom before we got on the plane. We boarded and I reminded him that it was best to stay in his seat and to not panic. That unless I was screaming he could assume everything was normal. I put on my seatbelt and stowed the backpack I had packed just for show. I had pulled out a world history book but for what felt like the first time ever I just couldn't get into it. Ron was nervously fidgeting, I held his hand and just waited for the take off.

I have flown before, fairly often really, my parents were always wanting to spend holiday somewhere that wasn't home. It annoyed me my first couple holidays home, I had just wanted to reconnect in our home, but as the wizarding world got more dangerous I encouraged these holidays, the farther away the better. They had been planning on Australia for a while. When it came time to send them away, well it was the best option for many reasons. Not only was it far away from wizards that wanted to hunt us down, but they wanted to go, it was easier to make them do what they wanted to do.

I felt the engines start, and the plane lurched as it started its taxi. Ron was gripping my hand worse than he ever did in the war. Funny how real danger never seems to phase him, only the imagined danger ever produced a panic. "Easy, it's ok" I said in a low voice. "This is normal, this what should be happening. The engines built power behind us and we started take off. I could hear his breathing pick up even faster, and he was starting to shake. The plane built speed as the noise and the movement had Ron crushing my hand. We lifted off the ground and Ron let go just a little. When we reached altitude his breathing started to slow, and by time the flight attendants were milling about he had managed to regain enough sense to ask for a coke, I wanted champagne and some painkillers, the lovely lady brought us our drinks, and I found the sleeping pills and the painkillers from my beaded bag. Ron swallowed the pills without much fuss, and then a little while later passed out. I made sure to brace his neck properly, but honestly I was just overcome with relief that we hadn't had a screaming panicking wizard on the plane. I pulled out my biology textbook and started to pass the time on what would be a very long flight. I tried not to think about my parents but it was hard not to imagine them being angry and confused at the sight of me. I wondered at how I should best approach them, should I pretend to be a patient, it wouldn't be hard to fake a convincing tooth ache. Should I bump into my mom at a shop? It would be pretty easy to find the kind of boutique that always called to her. Should I stalk my dad thru the supermarket, he was always chatting up strangers in the market. I wonder if there is a cafe near their home. I wonder what kind of home they have, would they have a simple town home, or would dad want to fuss with a yard again. I wonder if mom kept the living room furniture, I know she had been wanting to change it for ages. I didn't notice I was crying until tears started to dot the diagram of a cell that I was trying to study.

I started my mantra in my head. It's ok to cry, it's ok to be upset, you took their memories, but you had to pay the price, you had to give them up. You had to live with knowing your parents would never again recognize you. You had to give up the last illusion of safety and childhood. But they are safe, and I am soon to see that they are happy, and it will all be worth it just to know that they are safe and happy. Deep breath, one more day, then I will know, and they will continue to be safe and happy. I dried my eyes and put away the textbook, and fished out a novel. A story would be safer for the moment.


End file.
